*____don't worry, i'm watching over you___

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

RuBbiSh

i'm starting to feel sadder and sadder day by day

maybe prince amo is right
i'm da kind of person who lives in da past

old memories have been coming back
sometimes through dreams
sometimes it's just flashbacks of it when i'm wide awake

and then i would be filled with total sadness

why??

i wish to know too

when bad memories came back
i would feel bad
"why would things like this happen?" I asked myself
or
"why have things become like this?" I pondered
and i would be angry at myself for not forgetting them
but i can't
they have already been engraved inside my mind

when good memories flowed back
ironically...i felt worse
as i felt that i am slowly losing everything
nothing would stay

friends are all leading new lives
uni lives...or working lives
you name it

they are all packed with things
in the past
only the adults would do

even when i met up with my good friends
things are somewhat different
they would felt that they have changed
and would be unhappy about the fact that they have changed
for da better or for da worse
i don't know
but i always tell them
"in this world, change is inevitable. so as long as your friends can accept the new you, it really doesn't matter how much you have changed. and for that said, i accept you"

i mean every word i said
and this would really put a smile on their face

and i came to a conclusion:
they are forced to grow up
and they're not yet ready for it
hence
they are confused with this transition period

but at the very least
they are now living their new lives
looking at everyone
i realise that i am still on da same platform
stagnant as ever
i somehow refused to move forward
therefore
sometimes i feel lonely
fortunately
my friends are supportive of me
thank them

however
at nitex
when everyone is asleep
i'll start to think:
we were born
we live our life as a child
we live our life as a teenager
we study
then we outgrown our teenage years to become a young adult
we start to work
we get married
we have children
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and the ultmiate result????
we will die

yes
no matter how we lead our lives
the end result would still be da same

regardless or whether you have power or not
wealthy or otherwise
it's still the same

and i would start crying

call me a crybaby
maybe i am

but i really fear death

it's not death itself that i fear
it's da moment of death
just when we were gasping for our last breath

yes
imagine
we were breathing
and sometimes we forget we are breathing
it is so taken for granted that we would not think of it as a big deal

but when we're going to die
our breathing would get slower
and slower
....
and finally we would gasp for that last breath
but we couldn't get it
and so we die
as simple as that

life is just so fragile

i am talking rubbish
absolute rubbish
but somehow
i just had to get it off my chest
but i don't feel like talking to someone about it
so i blog it
so that friends would know without me telling them through my own mouth

rubbish again

i guess i'm just a kid
sad but true

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to twinee:
jia you~
everything would be fine

flew into your heart at [6:36:00 AM]

_____________